Instructions for Reflection Essay:Write a four to six-page report using a title page, headings (shown in bold beside TOPIC), an introduction, conclusion, and reference page. Paper must be written in APA format (12pt font, double spaced, Times new Roman). Use at least one reference via in-text citation or direct citation using APA for each section within the report and for the reference page. 1. Topic: Self Awareness:Using the individual activities, and the videos and articles titled Giving Advice, Blaming, LISTENING self assessment *, The Truth about Gossip, Self Awareness, What Kind of Listener are You? and any other topics covered in this course answer the following: (look down I copied and pasted it )What did you learn about the relationships in your life and what characteristics do you most look for in relationships? Are your expectations of yourself the same, higher, or lower than what you expect of others? What are the expectations for others and yourself and do you think you need to review them and change to gain better relationships? Explain. What do you need to overcome in order to give more of yourself to people?What negative self-talk do you say to yourself that holds you back?Have you experienced a self-fulfilling prophecy or are you still living it? Explain how it affects you and your ability to give and receive?Describe a situation where using your counselling skills affected a relationship in your life. Discuss how you would like to see yourself being as a listener to co-worker, parent, mate, friend etc. How have you changed giving sympathy to empathy in your life or is it still a goal? Choose which areas you wish to really focus on these skills on and formulate goals for yourself.2. Topic: Values, Attitudes, Beliefs and Perceptions:What did you discover about your barriers to listening, attitudes, and beliefs using the following videos: Self Awareness, Attitude and 5 Listening Tips, Perceptions determine your perceptions when you listened to others express theirs? What are your barriers and what are your goals to overcome these? What beliefs and values of yours do you feel will be difficult to put aside when listening? How does others’ perceptions of you differ from your perceptions of yourself? Why do you think this is? (the attitude of 5 listerning tips is copied down , self awareness, perception)- I copied and pasted it downWrite three or four sentences about how, when you blame, it causes a barrier and corrodes the relationship. Conversely, write about someone in your life who blames you for everything and how it affects you.3. Topic: Cultural Differences:Identify what subcultures you belong to. Subculture does not have to be anything formal but can be your family, your friends, etc. What beliefs and norms characterize these cultures? Explain how these impact your own values? What lessons did you wish to remember from the four cultural videos? Why is it necessary to appreciate cultural differences, using Cultural Differences Videos in the field and what could the repercussions be if you do not acknowledge cultural differences?(look down copied and pasted it ) 4. Topic: Mindfulness:Discuss what you discovered about meditation, empathy, mindful listening, accepting emotions, and validation. What are your goals for mindful listening? Have you managed to change your reactions to feelings to responding to feelings? Which mindfulness skills will you take with you in your own life and the CYC field and what are the benefits of integrating these skills?Advice GivingLISTENWhen I ask you to listen to me and you start giving advice You have not done what I asked.When I ask you to listen to me You begin to tell me why I shouldn’t feel that way You are trampling on my feelings.When I ask you to listen to me You feel you have to do something to solve my problem and you have failed me, strange as that may seem.Listen! All I asked was that you listen not talk or do — just hear me. Advice is cheap: 10¢ will get you both Dear Abby: Billy Graham in the same newspaper And I can do for myself; I’m not helpless.When you do something for me that I can and need to do for myself You contribute to my fear and weakness But when you accept as a simple fact that I do feel what I feel, No matter how irrational, then I can quit trying to convince. You can get about the business of understanding what’s behind this irrational feeling And when that’s clear, the answers are obvious and I don’t need advice.Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what’s behind them. Perhaps that’s why prayer works, sometimes for some people because God is mute, and he doesn’t give advice or try to fix things. They just listen and let you work it out for yourself.So please listen: just hear me. And, if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn: and I’ll listen to you.AnonymousWhen we perceive others through our perceptions and judgements, we tend to want them to solve their problems our way. There are dire consequences to giving advice, especially since it usually comes from our judgements. Let’s discuss why giving advice has consequences.What is Counselling?Counselling is a special relationship built on confidentiality, mutual respect and open communication, with the intention of helping people to clarify and identify their problems and to find their own solutions. It is about empowering the client to make their own decisions, it is not advice giving or offering sympathy.©2001 Louise StroudGiving AdviceGiving advice to adolescent clients is a tricky business. We often have information about how the world works that the client seems not to have, and it seems foolish and almost cruel not to share this information; we could save the young person so much grief from learning things the hard way. On the other hand, our primary goal is to strengthen our clients by facilitating their own problem solving and learning, and sometimes learning things the hard way provides deep understanding and strength. There clearly are times when giving advice is the most helpful thing to do. Before I discuss that, however, I want to examine the potential risks of giving advice to young clients. I want to dwell on this a bit, because the urge to give advice is so overwhelming for most of us that we practically have to bite our tongues when a young person comes to us with a problem.The biggest risk in giving advice probably is that virtually all adults give advice to adolescents frequently, and it usually arouses angry defensiveness. There are many reasons for this, but one of the most obvious is that the way most advice is given carries with it the implication of both judgment and control. If you want to avoid being lumped in with all these other adults, you must find a way to give advice that does not imply judgment and control. Another risk is implied: giving advice can take away an opportunity for the client to solve a problem or find information independently. Finally, I promise you that some of the advice you give will simply be wrong, and this has many consequences. If your client compliantly follows your incorrect advice, you could easily make a situation worse. Poor advice also undermines your client’s trust in you. We really do need to be humble about how much we know about how another person should live his or her life. All our advice is filtered through our own needs, distortions, and unique experience, and it is based on our incomplete knowledge of the client’s experience. As you know from previous modules, we have powerful alternatives to giving advice, alternatives that help the young person solve his or her own problems. Martin, David G. Clinical Practice with Adolescents. Canada: Brooks/ColeSo now we know to watch the body language of the client and us, monitor tone, words, not give advice. It is now time to increase our skill level.// window.jQuery || document.write(‘’) // BlamingWatch Brené Brown on Blame available utubeBrown, B. RSA. (2015, Feb. 3)Points to Ponder:Why do so many of us want to blame other people automatically when something bad happens? If we find who is at fault, it gives us a semblance of control. Blame is the discharging of discomfort and pain and has an inverse relationship to accountability. People who blame a lot do not have the tenacity to hold others accountable Brene states. Why?Watch friendship , change and blame on utubeReflection on yourself:Have you experienced long-term friendships changing or even parting ways since you started college? If so, are you blaming them for the friendship changing? Do you think you will eventually rebond as friends like Nina and her friend did? Now that we have discussed your values, beliefs, attitudes and accountability, it is time to become even more self aware.Mohawk College 135 Fennell Avenue West, Hamilton, ON, Canada L9C 0E5// window.jQuery || document.write(‘’) // The Truth about GossipLife Learning. Spreading Lies on utube (Mar. 23. 2017) Retrieved from: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=05qMaNF_20YOWN, Oprah Life class. (2012, May 14). Watch The Truth on about Gossip on utbe (Links to an external site.) . Retrieved from: https://youtu.be/IHC94cNSrZs (Links to an external site.)Points to Ponder:How is gossip a power and control tactic? What do you need to know about a gossiper in order to understand why they do it? Remember that often gossipers have probably been victims in their past. What harm does gossip do?Have you experienced this situation? How is it a form of bullying?Gossipers tend toStereotypeIgnore informationOver generalizeOversimplifyOverestimate the consistency and constancy of others’ behavioursFocus on the negativeBlaming others thus giving them controlAvoid responsibilityIt is very hard to keep people talking about themselves if they are gossipers as they want to talk about a third party, often not present, rather than themselves. This is a form of gossipers not holding themselves accountable for their actions. When you are doing your sessions, watch out for this and pull them back to themselves as to not blame everyone else. Hold them accountable or else it is a fruitless conversation. To do this, we often have to use confrontation so it is time to learn this skill.135 Fennell Avenue West, Hamilton, ON, Canada L9C 0E5// window.jQuery || document.write(‘’) // .Self AwarenessWatch look up by gary turk on utube .(2014, April 15)Points to Ponder:What are you missing in life? You can not be a counsellor if you are always looking down. You will miss opportunities to listen because you won’t hear others, much less listen to them. Why are suicide rates up? Could it be that so many people have cyber friends but can go days without anyone actually caring and listening? Studies say this is so.Here is a reminder of what to watch out for when you are listening:Listening barriers:Being self-absorbed Unchecked emotions Criticizing Having your own thought agenda Information overload External noiseAlso watch be self aware motivational video on utubeReflection of yourself:Life’s down moments are where growth takes place. It doesn’t matter what has happened but rather what you are going to do about it. Excuses take you no where. Greatness exists in all of us. Talent is natural but skill is needed to succeed. Hours and hours of skill practice is necessary for success. Sacrifice of what you are is necessary to be able to become what you want to be, including a CYC counsellor.It is time to review your skills and learn the skill of silence.Mohawk College 135 Fennell Avenue West, Hamilton, ON, Canada L9C 0E5// window.jQuery || document.write(‘’) // .What Kind of Listener are You?Think of a time when you really needed someone to listen to you. Reflect on how you felt when they listened or did not listen well.1. Practise being present. The International Listening Association reports that we think at 1,000 to 3,000 words per minute — a lot faster than we are able to listen. We fill in this gap with our thoughts, by planning what to say next, judging whether we agree with the speaker or thinking about a different matter altogether.Elizabeth Berlasso, a Halifax-based psychotherapist, suggests taking time to practise being mindful every day so we can learn to be more in the moment and stop our minds from wandering.Try this: Choose a routine activity, such as washing the dishes, and get all of your senses involved. Pay attention to how the water feels on your hands, listen to the splashing sounds and watch the suds melt away.Tip: If you start to think about a problem at work, gently bring your attention back to the dishes. “Our mind is like a wild horse,” says Berlasso, who also gives workshops in mindfulness-based stress reduction. “Mindfulness is how we make friends with the horse, allowing us to be more present with our listening.”2. Adopt a movie mind-set. Remember the last time you became so engrossed in a movie you lost track of time? Now imagine approaching your next conversation with the same level of interest and sense of adventure. Rebecca Shafir, author of The Zen of Listening (Quest, 2003), suggests that good listeners are able to get into the speaker’s conversation as if they are “living it with them.”Try this: Next time you’re listening to a friend talk about her vacation, turn off your cellphone and really “experience” the situation being described.Tip: You’ll know you’ve been successful when you can easily repeat the details to someone else and have her feel like she was there, too. 3. Respond with respect. Since conversations are dynamic by nature — you say one thing, then I say another — it’s often hard for us to just listen without adding our two cents. But interrupting is a sign that we are not really tuned in to what is being said, says Berlasso. How we respond to a speaker says a lot about us as listeners.Try this: Make eye contact and use welcoming body language, such as leaning in to the speaker. It shows that you are interested in the conversation.Providing appropriate and supportive acknowledgment also makes people feel heard, says Marjorie Shore, a trainer and coach who teaches communication workshops at The Coaching Clinic in Toronto. She suggests three ways that we can do this. Use encouraging words such as aha and hmm, as well as open-ended questions, such as “What else happened?” Paraphrasing, or repeating back what you’ve heard, is another excellent technique. An example might be: “I’m hearing that your boss is really giving you a hard time,” or, “It sounds like you’re feeling trapped in your relationship.”Want to improve your listening skills?If you…try to assess yourself against the person you are talking to, you’re comparing.If you…pay more attention to subtle cues and intonations than what the person is actually saying, or you make assumptions about what she thinks of you, you’re mind reading.If you…go over in your mind everything you are about to say next rather than listening intently to what is being said, you’re rehearsing.If you…let your mind wander and only catch the basic emotion of the speaker (angry, confused, etc.), you’re filtering.If you…block out certain things, you’re filtering.If you…don’t pay attention because you thought what the speaker said earlier was dumb, you’re judgmental.If you…become agitated when someone disagrees with or criticizes you, or try to prove your opinion, you’re in I’m-always-right mode.If you…tend to drift off midway through the conversation, or if a statement by the speaker suddenly takes you away from the conversation and back to an old memory, you’re dreaming.If you…take everything you hear and refer it back to a personal experience before the speaker can finish, you’re identifying.If you…tend to offer advice on a problem before hearing the whole story, you’re advising.If you…can find something to disagree with in every conversation, or use sarcastic or acerbic remarks to dismiss another’s point of view, you’re sparring.If you…quickly change the subject or continually make a joke if a topic is uncomfortable or upsetting to you, you’re derailing.If you…constantly agree with what’s being said to come off as nice or supportive, even though you’re not really listening, you’re placating.Mohawk College 135 Fennell Avenue West, Hamilton, ON, Canada L9C 0E5// window.jQuery || document.write(‘’) // Attitude and 5 Ways to Listen Better Watch This 10 year old kid just brilliantly called out America’s materialism on utube)Questions to ponder:If we were not so materialistic, would that not mean we would not be so judgemental? What parts of this child’s attitude, values and self concept would you like to nurture in yourself?Also watch 5 ways to listern better by jullian Treasure on utubeWe use filters to hear what we want to hear. When we use filters of perceptions, judgements etc. we only hear what we wish. We become desensitized to others because of the barrage of noise around us. We turn off from listening. Now is the time to reset so we can become CYC’s.Main Points:Patterns of Speech, Differences in sound, Filters, Noise.Silence is a tool.R: ReceiveA: AppreciateS: SummarizeA: Ask// window.jQuery || document.write(‘’) // erceptionsTHE ONLY THING WORSE THAN BEING BLIND IS HAVING SIGHT WITH NO VISIONHELEN KELLERIf you can not access this video, click here: Daniel J. Simons, Mar. 10, 2010, watch Selective Perceptions test on utube (Links to an external site.) Retrieved from: https://youtu.be/vJG698U2Mvo (Links to an external site.)Points to Ponder:What does this have to do with counselling? When you observe your client through you own lenses or perceptions, you miss who the clients really are and what they are really saying. Your goal in this video was to count the passes to the people dressed in white T-shirts. If you are a goal- driven person, you probably missed the gorilla….. A GORILLA! Now apply this to a conversation. If you are just totally focused to accomplish the five stages, would you miss the gorilla of the conversation or the big problem the client is really having? Not all clients have the ability to define their problems without your help. You need to take your perspective out of the conversation and just be there for the client so you can really hear or else you will miss the gorilla. Also, this is why you need to practice every day with your skills so that you do not have to think of them but rather used them naturally, without you thinking of them. Here are some other ways we miss the gorilla:Selective attention: focusing on only a specific stimuli due to it being exciting, new .. somehow grabs our attentionSelective exposure: putting ourselves in known environments that reinforce who we areSelective recall: remembering things we want to rememberCreate categories: creating categories to understand what is going on around us by using a framework we are already familiar with to interpret information we don’t yet understand.Link the categories: linking categories to each other by grouping or dividing etc in order to make sense.Do you use any of these to extreme which hinders your ability to listen to others?Watch סאדגורו – בתוככם Sadhguru – Within You – HEBSUBBEDGoalcast, Sadhguru, May 10, 2015, Within You (Links to an external site.) Retrieved from:https://youtu.be/VJv9eLPfgWM (Links to an external site.)How powerful is it to realize you are in control of your perceptions? No one is making you see the outside world in one way or another. You perceive from your mind. Therefore, you can tap into your thoughts and redirect it to healthier thoughts rather than negative thoughts.Prince EA, June 22, 2016, Why School Sucks on utube (Links to an external site.) Retrieved from: https://youtu.be/MDreKHwrA-k (Links to an external site.)Points to Ponder:Have you noticed in placement that perhaps some have negative perceptions about certain students or whole groups? Such as have you heard people saying, “Oh that awful grade five class!” as if 32 students are all the same and think and act the same. If you paint a person with one brush or, even worse, a whole group, it denies this person or group a chance to be acknowledged and accepted for who each and every one of them are. This video talks about those labels and different ways to think about how to approach each individual.If you or your client have been labelled a poor student or worse, it is hard to overcome unless you tackle it as a problem or an opportunity to overcome and develop a learning plan. Do you have a student in your placement who is refusing to complete math sheets? Did you try other ways of learning in order to accomplish the task, using other ways of learning? What is your easiest way of learning? Often we are hands-on learners and visual learners but some people can not learn from the computer screen; they have to combine the two modes of learning by printing the lessons, highlighting the main points and holding the papers: a combination of hands-on and visual. How do you learn best? How does the student(s) in your placement learn best? Find out.Mohawk College 135 Fennell Avenue West, Hamilton, ON, Canada L9C 0E5Multi Cultural CompetenceWatch it on utube -SuperSoul Short: Prince Ea’s Powerful Message on Labels | SuperSoul Sunday | Oprah Winfrey NetworkPrince EA, OWN. (2016, March 13). Retrieved from https://youtu.be/q0qD2K2RWkcWhat labels were you given that has hindered you from being all you can be? What were the expectations placed on you that made you feel you were not good enough? What labels do you put on people that hinder them?Watch what kind of Asian are you on utube .Making assumptions that the clients are who they are due to their culture hinders you from really meeting and knowing clients you are counselling. Think of your family. Are you not all different and yet you are from the same culture? Since we know this is true, why would we label a whole race or culture with a label when, even in our own family, there are so many differences?Watch Blind Person’s Thoughts about Racism on utube . Retrieved from: What A Blind Person Thinks About RacismTommy does not have labels for people. He is able to take people as they present themselves. His dream is to have a party where no one can see. Why? What does he hope to achieve with this? He represents a goal for most of us to achieve: taking people as they are without our perspectives and assumptions getting in the way. What matters to him is what is in people’s hearts and heads. He describes humanity as a bag of M and M’s: different colours but all the same inside.BWatch it on utube -Dr Nina on Multiculturalism, Worldview, and BroachingSpaDr. Nina on Multiculturalism (Links to an external site.) . Retrieved from: Dr Nina on Multiculturalism, Worldview, and Broaching (Links to an external site.)Dr. Nina discusses how we must meet each other with new eyes if we want to really counsel effectively. She also discusses broaching which is the ability to ask about the other person’s perspectives, experiences and culture in order to understand where and what they are speaking about. This does three things: it helps you understand them and it helps them understand themselves by explaining it to another person and it empowers the person by letting them know they know something you don’t.Mohawk College 135 Fennell Avenue West, Hamilton, ON, Canada L9C 0E5// window.jQuery || document.write(‘’) // RubricReflective Essay RubricReflective Essay RubricCriteriaRatingsPtsThis criterion is linked to a Learning OutcomeSelf Awareness5.0 ptsThoroughly links content with discussion of relationship characteristics, expectations, self talk, self fulfilling prophecy, effects of counselling skills.4.0 ptsEffectively links content to discussion of relationship characteristics, expectations, self talk, self fulfilling prophecy, effects of counselling skills.3.0 ptsAdequately links content to discussion of relationship characteristics, expectations, self talk, self fulfilling prophecy, effects of counselling skills.2.0 ptsMinimally links content to discussion of relationship characteristics, expectations, self talk, self fulfilling prophecy, effects of counselling skills.1.0 ptsDoes not link content to discussion of relationship characteristics, expectations, self talk, self fulfilling prophecy, effects of counselling skills.5.0 ptsThis criterion is linked to a Learning OutcomeValues, Attitudes, Beliefs, Perceptions5.0 ptsThoroughly links content with discussion of values, attitudes, beliefs, and perceptions; resulting barriers; perception differences about you from others as compared to yours; effects of blaming on your relationships.4.0 ptsEffectively links content with discussion of values, attitudes, beliefs, and perceptions; resulting barriers; perception differences about you from others as compared to yours; effects of blaming on your relationships.3.0 ptsAdequately links content with discussion of values, attitudes, beliefs, and perceptions; resulting barriers; perception differences about you from others as compared to yours; effects of blaming on your relationships.2.0 ptsMinimally links content with discussion of values, attitudes, beliefs, and perceptions; resulting barriers; perception differences about you from others as compared to yours; effects of blaming on your relationships.1.0 ptsDoes not link content with discussion of values, attitudes, beliefs, and perceptions; resulting barriers; perception differences about you from others as compared to yours; effects of blaming on your relationships.5.0 ptsThis criterion is linked to a Learning OutcomeCultural Differences, and Mindfulness5.0 ptsThoroughly links content with discussion of subcultures, their impact, connecting beliefs and norms, appreciation of cultural differences. DBT goals for mindful listening, changing reaction into responding, summary of skills for field and life.4.0 ptsEffectively links content with discussion of subcultures, their impact, connecting beliefs and norms, appreciation of cultural differences. DBT goals for mindful listening, changing reaction into responding, summary of skills for field and life.3.0 ptsAdequately links content with discussion of subcultures, their impact, connecting beliefs and norms, appreciation of cultural differences. DBT goals for mindful listening, changing reaction into responding, summary of skills for field and life.2.0 ptsMinimally links content with discussion of subcultures, their impact, connecting beliefs and norms, appreciation of cultural differences. DBT goals for mindful listening, changing reaction into responding, summary of skills for field and life.1.0 ptsDoes not link content with discussion of subcultures, their impact, connecting beliefs and norms, appreciation of cultural differences. DBT goals for mindful listening, changing reaction into responding, summary of skills for field and life.5.0 ptsThis criterion is linked to a Learning OutcomeMechanics5.0 ptsExcellently organizedNo errors in spelling and/ or grammarAPA , 1 or more in-text citations and references for each topic completed correctly4.0 ptsWell organizedNo errors in spelling and or grammarAPA, at least 1 in-text citations and references for each topic completed mostly correctly3.0 ptsGenerally well organizedMinimal errors in spelling and or grammarAPA, some in-text citations and references completed with few errors or missing some components2.0 ptsPoorly organized, does not follow formatSeveral errors in spelling and or grammar APA, in-text citations and references not completed correctly1.0 ptsPoorly organized, does not follow formatMajor repeated errors in spelling and or grammar Little or no APA and references5.0 ptsTotal Points: 20.0Previous
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